I can’t think my way through it.
The unanswered questions that keep us stuck.
I can’t think my way through the big questions of life. If I could, it would be already done.
Over the last 10 years, I’m constantly asking myself important questions. I didn’t want to shy away from them, even though attempting to find answers, felt foolish and naive. And somehow I always knew that I will not be able to find an ultimate answer. At least not through thinking.
Over time I came to understand what was required is not to seek an answer, but instead, to surrender my mind to not knowing. When suddenly an insight surfaced I saw the undeniable truth in it.
Even though my mind was able to find countless reasons against it. I was curious enough to follow the voice and to evolve through it. It let me be obsessed with topics like fitness, productivity, design, depth psychology, and symbolic language and it also created a new attitude toward life.
And this is a natural process that occurs in each of us.
Carl Jung called it the transcendent function.
The transcendent function is an aspect of self-regulation of the psyche. It manifests through sudden insights and leads us to a new attitude and new exploration of oneself and life.
It arises when there is tension between the conscious and the unconscious.
This function can help us to answer great questions. Questions that keep us stuck when they stay unanswered.
The quest inside of a question
The challenge with great questions is not necessarily the question itself, but rather the quest that I will embark on. The overwhelm of facing an empty space, uncertainty, which wants to be filled with an answer.
I might shut down when one of the great questions arises, but in the realms of my unconscious they still exist and continues to be asked: “Who am I?”, “What kind of life do I want life?”, “What is the purpose of my existence?”
“Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.” - Pena Chodron
These are by no means simple questions, and any attempt will not give me a certain answer that can be backed up with evidence. And if I try to answer them, what is happening if I find an answer that unlocks the stuckness of not knowing? Will I have to face something that might be overwhelming? What is the new responsibility that goes along with the answer?
Our ego-consciousness is challenged to grasp the largeness of these questions. As a protection, we get distracted and tempted by reasons not to deal with these questions.
Understandable, right? There is a comfort that comes with not knowing. Any insights that might bring me expansion also come with new responsibilities.
At some point, if our maturity stagnates, we all have an appointment with difficult questions.
The only way through the valley of stuckness is through it.
Getting unstuck demands us to bring these questions into our awareness, to embark on the quest of finding our own truthful answers.
Answering these questions will help us to overcome the lethargic powers that control us. It will support us to deepen our life, to grow with more stability, and find new meanings.
What makes a great question?
A great question has the power to change our whole world. The way we perceive the world, the way we live, and even who we are. This is what a great question is.
But it is only as good as its timing, the context it is being placed in and the level of openness we experience.
When we ask the right question or we receive the right one, we become alive, alert, excited, and sometimes reluctant.
When it enters our ears it pulls us into our depth and we are confronted with the unknown. In each great question, there is a quest (quest-ion). In a quest, we seek. A great question is an invitation to connect with ourselves on a deep level to find the answer within ourselves. It is an intimate encounter with ourselves.
It enables us to get the connection to the part of us that can be seen as the holder of our potential that is not surfaced yet. This is what a great question is doing.
What makes a great answer?
A new realization has to appear, the realization that we can’t think our way through.
We focused so much of our lifetime on solving problems with our heads. But these questions a rarely solved by the mind.
And the answer also can’t be found in the outside or conventional advice. Unfortunately, as there is an abundance of advice but non of them will fit us. The mirage is that they seem to make sense for us at that moment but will not satisfy our seeking on the long run.
No one can answer the deeply rooted questions that lay inside of us. This is our quest into our own psyche, to find our own wisdom and it can’t be completed by anyone else than ourselves.
No philosophy, no teacher, no book will be able to answer these for us. Every piece of advice, and every answer is a rationalized concept that might apply to them but not to us.
The real answer can only be found in experience, beyond our intellect.
A vessel for the answer to appear
Finding the answer or rather revealing the answer occurs when we are able to hold the question without seeking an answer (1), creating enough empty space to have the ability to receive the answer (2) and our capacity to synthesize the right one (3).
1. Holding the tension.
If we are stuck we are often stuck in believing that we can solve the puzzle with our minds. That is true for some questions, but not for these questions. So we have to hold the tension of not knowing and not seeking an answer. We surrender to not knowing and we give faith in the natural process of receiving insight.
“That is the first thing to learn – not to seek. When you seek you are really only window-shopping.” J. Krishnamurti
2. Creating an empty space.
We have to make room for unconscious intelligence to talk to us. Most likely, what we are looking for has been looking for us as well.
The space, we create, is by not distracting ourselves and when we allow ourselves to freely wander in our mind. Maybe it is going for long walks, on a bike ride or just sitting quietly in a room by yourself.
At some point, by doing that regularly, an answer to our question will arise all a sudden. Discernment is now asked for, we are being invited to make a decision.
"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone," Blaise Pascal.
3. Discerning the voice.
We want to make decisions from a place of centeredness, rooted in our essence and not in our complexes or expectations from the outside. We have to beware of those two internal voices that offer answers.
They may come with good reasons, but might not be in service of your evolution. So which voice rises from my soul and which comes from complexes and external expectations?
We can ask ourselves: does this answer enlarge life, open new possibilities, and are in accord with our deepest desires? If not, then it is in service of your stuckness, and everything that stagnates becomes at some point toxic.
We should choose the path of new possibilities, depth, and growth. Not in service of power, fame, to impress someone but in service of our own natural unfolding to more wholeness.
That is the first thing to learn – not to seek.
Maybe, we give our minds sometimes too much responsibility and credit.
Maybe, sometimes not seeking an answer is exactly the right thing to do. Especially if the unanswered questions are the reason for our stuckness.
And maybe, we should allow more space for the internal process to move through us.
We can do that by finding the question that needs to be answered, holding the tension of not knowing, and using our discernment to identify the voice.
Take a look through some of the questions below and see which one calls you the most and make it your quest to answer it. Remember, don’t try to think your way through.
Let it rest in your consciousness and create space to receive an answer. This can be a process of a few moments, hours, days, weeks, months or years.
If we focus on the importance of the question, eventually through a sudden insight, synchronicities, or an intuitive knowing the answer will appear.
