WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK IS THE LACK OF UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR VALUES
Most people don’t need advice.
They need an understanding of themselves.
This will shape their direction in life and provide discernment for their next steps.
Self-knowledge is the voice that says,
“You can”
“This is your way”
“Have a look there”
Self-knowledge nurtures evolution and authenticity.
However, self-knowledge also creates discomfort.
No matter how much you want to cling to the comfort of knowing the truth about yourself, self-knowledge has the potential to challenge and dismantle your existing understanding of the truth.
Through this discomfort, you will come to realize a new truth about yourself.
Step by step, layers will be peeled down, allowing you to get closer to the core essence of who you are.
Your character derives from your understanding of who you think you are.
For many, character remains an undefined variable in life. They understand themselves only in relation to the outside world.
You are a son, daughter, employee, mom or dad.
You might also be the person that other people can rely on, the one that is shy or the one that is successful in their carrier. This is truth as well.
But if we simply live with this truth, we impose limitations on ourselves. Our choices become heavily influenced by external expectations and societal context.
We become lazy. Our actions will be reactive instead of proactive. It leads to a life of passivity.
The unfortunate reality is that this state of being has become the norm. As the Academy of Ideas eloquently expressed:
“There is an excessive use of addictive technologies, paternalistic governments that inhibit the cultivation of self-responsibility, diets that are sub-optimal for energy production, an overuse of psychotropic and recreational drugs, and a moral system that no longer elevates the virtues of courage and self-reliance to their rightful spot in the pantheon of values.”
Not knowing our values will lead to a life that is driven by external ones. These external principles are often based on the value of conformity and other values that will lead the individual to seek social validation, instead of authenticity. This can easily lead to unquestioning obedience, laziness, and the elimination of our authenticity.
To gain the authenticity we have to dive into our interior.
We have to shake off the first layer of our understanding to get to self-knowledge. The best way to shake it off is to see through the matrix that we are plugged into. We realize there is more to us. This is where the rabbit hole of knowing oneself starts.
One way to break through the layer is to understand the concept of core values. Core values are not shaped by the ego but are imprinted into the Self. You can imagine them as gravitational points that our psyche is connected to. We notice the connection through what we feel called to, not based on the expectations of other people, but by a natural tendency. A repeating pattern is always a good indicator of some truth. So if we realize that we are drawn to certain qualities, activities, or themes, it is a good indicator that there is something that connects us to a value of ours.
THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE GET WRONG ABOUT THEIR VALUES
In the process of exploring and understanding our values, it is essential to recognize that it is not a magic formula. Values, while valuable, have shadow aspects and can be misused if not approached consciously. Over the past five years, I have gained valuable insights from working with values. Here are three:
LEARNING #1: THE WORD SUFFOCATES THE MEANING OF THE VALUE.
You might wonder if solely understanding core values will change anything.
The skepticism of your intuition is justified.
I got it wrong at the beginning. Writing down my values felt empty.
Words alone don’t carry spirit.
Limiting ourselves to the literal level is a constraint of our consciousness.
A word is one-sided as it only exists in the material world. To be drawn inwards and understand ourselves, we must connect with what lies behind the word that describes the value.
The value serves as a gateway to the transpersonal, and when we are in touch with it, it resonates within us.
This is what we refer to as resonance.
Resonance refers to a deep emotional or intellectual subtle energy shift that occurs when something aligns with our own values, beliefs, or sensibilities at a subconscious level.
It suggests an inclination towards certain qualities without necessarily being overtly conscious or deliberate.
So often, we find ourselves following our values intuitively, and that is exactly how it should feel. Following our values shouldn't be a purely rational way of living. It is more about sensing the flow of the river - the flow of our energy. Instead of swimming against the current and exhausting ourselves, we choose to follow it, leading to a more enjoyable and fulfilling experience.
So use words consciously, don’t treat them as reality, but rather as an access towards the energy that shape and inform your life.
LEARNING #2: YOU ARE NOT YOUR VALUES.
We should avoid over-identifying with our values, as it can lead to becoming one-sided. When our relationship with values becomes too rigid or when they become part of our mask, we may overshadow other values that are also alive within us.
This imbalance can disrupt our lives, turning what should be a source of inspiration into a source of stagnation.
For instance, consider a person who highly values self-direction. They prioritize their own goals, desires, and decision-making without much consideration for the impact on others. While this may provide them with a sense of personal freedom and autonomy, it can create blind spots in their understanding of the interconnectedness of human relationships.
Developing an awareness of this blind spot can help them find a balance between personal autonomy and maintaining healthy relationships with those around them.
LEARNING #3: SACRIFICE OF COMFORT.
To be connected to the world means to be moved by it. Writing down your values is a waste of time if you don't see beyond the words and if you don't take action. We might have a story that we tell ourselves about what we are in service of, but are we truly living that story?
Values call us to live them. This often requires sacrifice. We must be willing to sacrifice our comfort for new responsibilities. These responsibilities will gradually lead us to more freedom from external pressures and expectations. It is through these sacrifices that we demonstrate our dedication to living out our values. Taking the first step will prepare our intuition for future opportunities to align with them.
Writing down our values serves as a starting point, but it is the actions we take that truly bring them to life.
Exploring our values means exploring ourselves. It is an exciting journey that fills us with energy, as values have the power to inspire, motivate, and attract us. They are food for the soul. They also challenge us, sometimes even blind us, but also liberate us. We must always maintain sensitivity to our psychic balance. Therefore, a mindful and dedicated approach is required.
Personally, understanding my personal core values has been the most impactful tool for navigating the world. It has helped me tremendously in personal growth and decision-making, surpassing my own expectations. To further support others on this journey, I have created a FREE workbook, called “Your North Star” for exploring values, synthesizing principles to live by, and creating an honor code. The honor code serves as a go-to place to reconnect with inspiration and what is truly important to you.
